Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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