If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
