you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
