i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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