Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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