so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
