he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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