I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
