there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
