I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
