Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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