1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
