I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love having hate sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
