Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
