Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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