i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
