you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
