I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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