were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
