The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
