xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
