You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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