The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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