Im at strip club and am horny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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