dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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