and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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