I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
