Just fell off a train. Bad.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
