Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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