DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
