we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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