i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i came on her dog
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
