Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
