I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
