I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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