until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
