farters have to be the big spoon...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
