In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
