just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
