remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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