There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
