I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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