I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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