the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
