I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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