She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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