so explain again why im purple
no
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
