dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
