Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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