this beer tastes like vomit already
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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