i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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