when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
