u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
