And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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