clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
