Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
