using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
