Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
