I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
