never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
