The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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