Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
