I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize