she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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