Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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