The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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