So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize