You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
