To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
