So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
