You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
