Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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