FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
honey bunches of taint.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
