I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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