yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
