hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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