if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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