I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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