There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my shit smells like andre
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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