nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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